I could say for a majority of my early youth I was in the Baptist Church. I really could never connect. Nothing against Baptist they are some awesome people. I would have to say I think a lot of it had more to do with My current Revelation than the actual church. But I remember very clearly getting up in the morning forced to wear a tie. Standing in the isle in front of everyone and ushering. Ushering was not something I would say I particularly enjoyed. My understanding was so limited and not to say that mine is great now but it was better than then. I really saw no point in church. I saw no point in drawn out messages and religious jargon that left me untouched. Again I believe a lot would have had to do with my understanding and revelation at the time but church and my christian walk was more an event and not a lifestyle then.
Even at an early age with a guitar not knowing anything I would strum and sing and there was approval by man for a cute kid making a silly song. Or giving a sermon that I recorded on a small tape about Meshach, Ashak and Abindigo and the fiery Furnace and King Nebakenizzer. but little of it had great value to me. I do however believe that though I was not exactly touched something effected me then that obviously had a great impact on me now.
Later I would find my solace in coffee shops spewing logical, well thought out drivel about evolution, a man made religion and walking my own way with no crutch of god or organized established religion. I would have left the church in dust cloud and anger directed towards, god and the church. That would lead me into other dark areas that even today I struggle with.
I then began to study idealism, occultism, universalism and spiritualism, elitism and imperialism, philosophies with little value and a lot of answers begging to be answered but leaving no room for actual truth but mens idea's - a mixed up mess. It left me intrigued. But It also left me darkened, enlightened in some ways and trapped more in others. Not to say I was a practicer of dark thinks I studied, approved it and used it to support my views, my direction and my life. It became an unpracticed crutch that I could rely on that would either make me sound intelligent or mysterious. I found value in this. I was one of those people who had a huge library of books that were great to display but never cracked as much of a page or read halfway or worse skimmed and grew very little understanding or just enough to be extremely damaging.
In that I realized the pointless trail I was taking. It gave me no real joy. I really never got an actual answer and everyone had their clever answers for just about everything. There was no standard. There was no basis of thought. Though it was fun playing with that. It gathered no purpose and ultimately left the truly intellectual side of me questioning the method of life and philosophies I had taken on.
It is only so long that an intelligent person will stand for a facade of knowledge. Some are happy in it. It becomes a protective cloak of mystery and obscurity that only for some reason you can understand or a group of you might. But I felt cheated and lied to. I felt pained of a wasted life that could have been better spent. However I never felt this way till Revelation came. Reason never brought me to this. Reason was later an understanding but never an actual stepping point. Revelation had to come first. You would think reason would have had me question these things but it was not till I stepped into a spirit filled church opening myself up for change till it all hit. Like a speeding train.
After Revelation I did not need a reason but I needed a REASON so that I could show others who ultimately might have a revelation. Some Christians say reason is an enemy of the bible, and Christianity but for various things reason makes a lot of sense for someone who has no spiritual insight. It was one of the major reason why alcohol and drugs never dominated my life. I had no actual moral understanding; I saw no point. No reason to find myself loosing brain cells, spending my time bent over a toilet throwing up, with massive head aches exciting or even slightly appealing to my life, body or mind. Let alone my future. It just did not make any sense to me.
Intellectuals and such really have not I believe read the bible if they believe it makes no sense or contradicts itself. I can tell you and I am sure if you are Christian reading this. You know that it is clearly the most and only truth you may have ever read in it's completeness - ever.
Please give me license here. I am not setting aside the great things in our faith. Speaking Tounges, prayer/intersession, words of knowledge, The Prophetic. I am simply saying look at your faith through someone else's eyes. See that you must be understandable to be obtainable, relateable to be sustainable. You need to be full of Revelation to have Transformation. For ideas of what Revelation is. Epiphany is probably the best way to explain that to the mind of this world. Benevolent, unfailing, undeniable and sure Epiphany. If you are not exited about what you believe have can you convince others that what you believe is actually in obtainable GOD ordained truth.
This intrigues the mind of a Godless man. Or should I say a Christ less man. Ever man has a GOD. Mostly himself but it can be in other or ideals.
I know this writing is different than many of my others. But I am feeling driven to write this because I realize that REASON is important but REVELATION is what locks us in. The Mind and Heart are very deceiving. There is no truth in this world. We are locked in by ideals and philosophies that keep us at more than arms length from real truth. True truth seekers finally realize this. But much of it comes with realizing your a lier first. You will lie to yourself unless you release yourself to god (or die to yourself) And to look objectively at yourself is the only way to see change and have this happen. This is a daily task of Christians.
I humbly understand that I never obtained Faith. Faith Obtained me. Jesus found me but it was only until I found reason to lay down my own ideas and philosophies first. I believe that that came primarily through prayer which I did not understand but others did. It broke me down. Though I did not understand it. It effected me greatly and now I can say because of it. I stand not perfect but before the throne and joyful to be called a child of the King.
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