The Purpose of This Site

Once this site was just for me. It was a personal blog, journal or diary of my journey with the Lord. However one day reading it I found that this could also be a real testimony to the world. Evangelism is my heart. Jesus is my life. This is my real account of my Christian walk and revelation that I share with you. In all things take them to scripture. I do not claim to be an expert though I study, research and seek the truth daily. My purpose it to stir your heart towards the Heavenly Father so you can pursue your own Journey with the lord through his word and in spirit.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Attacked on All Sides.

I am pained to write this becasue I fear it will destroy the testmony this page is about.
However what I have found is that we all must come down to some level of humanity. Wither in be in pain in sorrow or in whatever emotion we might be feeling. For us to believe that simply Jesus takes care of everything is to ignore that God himself made the emotions and pain and love that we feel.

My friends are all very distant. My family is also very distant. The only thing I have and I know I have always had is my daughter and my father in heaven. Even my daughter is feeling distant. And whatever Attack this might be of the enemy the pain is very indeed painful.

I am known to be the man with the thick skin. Nothings bothers him. It all slides off my back in the name of the Cross of Jesus and the pain and suffering he endured. Strangly though as of recent that is not the case. I am now very compassionate for those around me and am beginning to see side of people and motives of people I never thought I might see. It is as if a shroud as been lifted so that my heart would once again be plyable. This is great in many cicumstance not so great in others. If we pray for a compassionate heart that heart also feel pain more. It feels hurt sorrow and suffering. I am not able to stonewall it anymore.

My closest of friends now all away. Even my friend I introduced to you now seems to be at bay for a short time. I feel alone again. Alone with God? Is there such a thing. Yes..there is. My daughter now angry at me. My thoughts rile in the night. I pray but it seems to only keep it at bay. I am being attacked. I also sense other things are wrong. Things that I know nothing about but for some misplaced reason I feel it.

I hear pain of others. I feel pain of others
I now am feeling tired and weak when I wake and when its time to sleep.
I read the bible but grow tired. I worship but all ends in a tear and my lying on my guitar falling asleep. I know something is wrong. I am scared. But noone is there to speak to. Noone wants to hear. My father is away and would not understand me. My friends all away. My tears unto heaven I hear the same things. Things I cannot so certainly take care of. I wish I could. I pray Lord and ask if anyone is praying out there that they might pray for me. I do indeed need it. I am not and nor will I always be on top of the Hill or mountain or whatever you might call it. I think there is an arrogant side of Christianity that says if you are not something is indeed wrong. we all walk this walk different. We cannot judge. Not those around us. Not a church the people or their leader. We all must take account for our own actions. For the first time in a long time I long for my wife. What for I ask? I don't even know that. Have you ever been in a room and asked why you went in there? WHat did I come in here for. My last few days have been that way. Why? Oh..Lord don't let anything happen..(Dont let this attack of the enemy stick). One thing I do not want is to loose you. I know you will not leave or forsake me. But I know If I were God I might leave me. Thank not God.

There is a arrogance about the Church that has no compassion that has no love. Many of them just don't recognize it. Their pains have stopped so they see no need for others to continue.
I feel mine have never ended so maybe I just don't know how it is not to have them. BUt I do know this. Where are the people of God when others need them most? God has used man. Man to spread his word and his love. However we are more comfortable, watching movies, playing on a computer, going to the zoo. Have we engulfed our lifes so much with our own personal desires that GOds cannot get through. I myself a man guilty of this. Ohh what pain it is.

I know why some return back to the world from Christianity. It is simple. Christians do feel that they are higher than those around them. They may not say it but in their actions they do. This puts the world off to them. Christians feel they have an authrity to place judgement on those around them. Many speak out against all sorts of things. But they never speak for salvation for the lost or for the Gospel. We get ourselves in petty arguments that take us nowhere and leave the kindgdom of God short a few million soldiers. Why cause Bobby wore a Heavy metal shirt to church. Sally has a boyfriend who has long hair. Joe is listening to the wrong music. Howard is having problems with his wife this week. Do we pray for them. No we speak about them. We spead rumors in a way that says "We need to pray for so and so. We leave it there and we take nothing back with us. NO comapassion just finger pointing. For what to increase the Kingdom of God. How many people want to be a part of this?

I have seen the errors in my ways and repent for them. wHat use are we of Gods if our own preferences get in the way of the different people he has chosen for his Kingdom. Are we here to tell God who is in and who is out. Did he not choose them?

Churchs speaking about other Churches!? Are we not all part of the same body. Stop chopping the legs and arms off of your own people! I take no pride in this. I have done it. Why!!?? Ohh God why I cry now becasue YES I feel I have been a victim time and time again. A Single father who came from Lying now has to not only prove daily that he is not a lier but that he is a Good father. A Man of God. A Man that upholds truth and integrity in his life. I do. But I do fail. Do all have a magnifing glass on them daily? I do. I have dealt with hipocracy in the church. Pride and every other thing you can possibly imagine. Regardless of what some might say does this hurt Christianity. No it does not. Becasue what Christ stands for is Freedom from Sin. Salvation from Death and Debt that we cannot repay. This has nothing to do with this issues we try and tackle daily with people. Christ will do his bidding in people life. He will have his plan and his purpose. Regardless of what others might believe. So is it in error becasue of who has chosen. No! Becasue the process of whom God has chosen. These people septiable to judgement, anger, pride, sin, all have one thing in common as the Whold entire world. They all need salvation. Question me if you wish. The truth is already known in your own hearts. The spirit is love and compassion.

I say all that to say this. Why do we as christians do this? I being a person who has done this. Are we looking only for the Elite to join when Jesus said to the Pharasis to remember the least of them. Yes.. The least. The ones who do not have it together. have no home. No job. And don't seem to listen. Yes those too. Yet we believe that we hold to ruler the Gun of condemnation. Is that not the Lord's job? I have seen far too many people hurt and it hurts me more to see it. I myself riddled with this bullets of persecution. Do I feel sorry for myself. No I am Smypathtic to those who have had this happen to them in their church. But I do say once again that the Glory of the Lord. The place he has planeted and called you to does not change. He will have the Glory in the End. All we as people I think can hold up as some type of accomplishment is that we did not tare apart our brothers and sisters in christ? Or did we?

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