Will I Ever Be The Same?

This was a shock to make this entry. I have been recently though many things like stress and even more obscure things like physical sickness have found myself asking disturbing questions. I think it is okay to question yourself. Some people say it is okay to question God. I think at times I am tempted to and have found myself grappling with my Awesome father. He is quite a contender. Like a real father I do sometimes say Father why did this happen? or why must I do this? Like a real father he has always come to me with a real answer and many times a request or insight into the matter.

The Question recently I asked myself and it frightened me to even think of asking it.
Will I ever return back to who I was? I think at times I see an honest glimpse of the person I used to be and then I have the utter fear of being completely in denial and never to have changed at all but living in my own private world. Now that would most indeed be frightening.

I pray that not to be the case. I would hope that I have grown alot since then.
So it rang again will i ever be the same?

Then Reality set in. many people return back to the world who claimed to have found Jesus in their lives. They find themselves I believe trying to live in this world with the complete knowledge of there being another path and another life. This I would believe is the MOST painful of all situations. Living in Darkness when you know there is a source of light.

Imagaine if you will being subjected to constant darkness. (They say if you spend enough time in darkeness that you can go blind.) So Imagine if you will living in a constant darkroom. That is full of many obstacles and distractions. you know where the light is. But in order to reach it you much let go of something that you think is very important. A very large flashlight with no batteries. Thats right a perceived tool of light that is now rendered useless you convince yourself that there are batteries somewhere in this darkroom. This room is very large and full of many things. The fact is that perhaps those batteries don't exist in this room but you are looking all over for it. (the batteries do not exist in this darkroom)

However in a dimly lit section is a switch. This switch is along a narrow path that cannot be reached until you set down this large flashlight/ you know where it is and you know how to turn it on. but you choose not to. because you choose not to let go of this flashlight in fear that you will not be able to find the light again.

Dosen't that seem really foolish?

But this is the REALITY of this world that we live in. This is a perfect image of what it means to know and have the truth but choose NOT to accept it and live in it. You are destined to be in this darkroom. You are destined to stumble, to fall and to get hurt. The obstacles in this room are constantly changing and strangely enough some things in this darkroom
stay the same but you still manage to continue tripping over them. This is a wild and strange arrangement that you have now found yourself in.

Why would you return to this place. Some people state the following. Well I thought it was boring or non insightful. Or my favorite "I lost my enthusiasm." Convince yourself a Darkroom is more enthusiastic I'll give you a Nobel prize. Another one that always made me wonder. Was I learn t it was all a lie. I like this one because there is an underlying arrogance in man that says I know the answer to this light situation. I will just make light from myself. Physically this is impossible and well for the sake of this disturbing yet enlightened illustration it makes no sense.

Clearly stumbling around in utter darkness is the more wiser and more intellectual decision. Correct? I am being very direct here. Direct to the extent that I myself and realizing that my original question though is possible is Ridiculous. This idea to a thinking man would seem though in this this illustration to be quite unintelligent to todays standards. Many of us are born in the darkroom and it seems like home even though it is terrifying, destructive and even fatal. It is hard to move from a place you call home even when that place is a source of destruction but I can say clearly it is ALWAYS the best choice.

Will I ever be the same? It is aa good questions though the question itself may seem well ludicrous. We are very very very intent as fleshly man to make very ludicrous decisions no matter how foolish or strange they may be. So to this question I must humble myself. I must set myself down to the standard of who I am. my core being is inherently evil. But I am directed by the spirit that does not leave me captive to my thoughts and thank God will not leave me abandoned in this darkroom. I find as soon as i drop this Large and cumberson useless light that I could easily now get through the narrow hallway to turn on this light along the narrow pathway. However in my effortless Journey the light that dimly lights this switch also lights up something else. A Note written on the door. it read "To the next person who will find this light switch. It was a tough journey I am sure you will agree and this light will turn the light on to this large vast room. However you will fall and there are many obstacles. But now with this light. You will not fall as much, you will know where the obstacles in the room are moving to because you will see them coming. Your Journey will not be fatal and now above all you have HOPE where there was no before. Enjoy your Journey." After reading this note I saw in the room some great treasures where I could rest. Where I could also challenge myself without always being hurt. But most of all the luminance of the room was comforting. It was bright and it was worth the Journey.