Broken Again.

Tonight after a long Sunday that encompassed both day and night. I cried all the way home. I was overwhelmed by the power of God. Not in "My Life" but the power of God. I quite honestly had to step back in awe of what "HE" has done. ABBA (PAPPA). Elohim - EL Shaddi and question my motives for doing what I do.

I repented because I knew that sometimes I have done things to be noticed. Only god knows. I pray that either way it is something of worthiness before God. I have simply come to this conclusion. That yes. I matter. That I could indeed hold all of these things inside and never share them. But why? I am worthy of Gods love and of his light. I am also worthy to share it. Without him. I am nothing. All that I have learnt to change and transform my life and continue to work more and more towards is worth nothing. If I do not fully look at myself and my heart and continue to seek GOD in all that I do. That the revelation of God comes from his spirit and not from anything else. That transformation comes by his spirit and that the revelation comes from a revelation and a living out of the what the spirit inparts.

I have been complacent. I have been waiting in the rafters for GOD To call when he has been leaving me voice mails. Saying ..why don't you pick up. I know you are there.

I am here. I am so sorry. I am so broken. I am broken because I would indeed be dead without you. I would have left this earth a long time ago. With nothing. Now If I am to leave. I know I will have everything. Everything in him and the Joy to spend time with my father in heaven. There is nothing like your love father. Your grace and your all encompassing authority in my life. "I" have been dull. I have heard and not walked I have watched and felt even by the words of man that I have to do this then this and then I can do what it is you have asked of me. I realize now however that it started with you "My new life" then would I not also be propelled by you in doing what you have asked. I have too long listened to the wise man. The one who knows or should know. But the test was do you hear me or do you just hear what you want to hear to put you in a comfortable state of ...well when I am ready and well look at me I am not ready. Will I ever be ready. Even when I am. I have been disobedient in not going forward. I have been studying for the test but forgot to take the test. I profess this and almost in fear of what I am going to say here. But what is the point of STUDYING if you never take the test. I want to take that leap into the wonderment of who you are of the ever changing mountains of faith, life, miracle and more importantly your holy and awesome word. I want to dance like David danced. I want to be happy the day I might die of a massive heart attack jumping for praise or that might be so broken I might die of a broken heart for your lost. I am so overwhelmed by the weight of all of this. I am so overwhelmed by your power but I am clearly and it seems I might not ever see as clearly as I would like but it is the constant desire to see you clearly that I will not stop looking for the very clearest picture of who you are in my, life to the lost and for those who are burdened by the lies of this world. I truly am broken and almost in tears I cannot hold back this desire to continue forward till I can go no longer. There are no longer boundaries and there never was. There was this idea that I could have others make my choices for me. That I might seek continually support and also the great council of the wonderful people and team that God has given me in his grace that I might NEVER speak and ill word toward. I have been blessed by GREAT men of God. But sometimes we are even tested in this. Man is flawed and will always be. Our emotions leave us empty and sometimes in places we would rather not be. But sometimes when you hear GOD over and over again. Saying the same thing. Then confirming it before you. The council of God is far greater than the GREATEST of all men. Both wise, saved unsaved or whomever you might come to in your trials and heavy laden heart.

God has said it. I must hear it.
Must do it.
Most Move and Must not let the words of others change
the power of what you have said. I can and am able to do what you
given me the task to do. I am seeing the outlines. I wish I knew more. Only time will tell where this all leads. But there is a fire growing deep inside that I CANNOT CONTAIN IT!.. can you feel it. I can.