Truth

As much as I would love to post another poem I really wanted this post to be about what I have been going thru.  In 2018 the end of 2018 I struggled with my faith.  I was struggling with religion and grace and where it all set in the gamut of the church and family.  I was rather confused because I honestly did not see what I saw in scripture in front of me.  I even at times did not see it in myself.  The struggle was gut wrentching leaving me at a place of emotionalism, desparity and even to a place of apathy.

Truth be told after all this post is truth.  I thought I was either going to lose it or worse end it.  It was a place of reflection and God wanted to take me on a path of genuine love and hold me there.  So many times in our lives we have what we need or at least we can attain it. We either have that friend who is always there.  The bank account that is always full or worse yet that credit card we lean on.  Sadly it takes us away from the intamacy of our father and takes us in to a place of self sustaining pride.  I believe I have been there.  I believe I may go there again. But for the result of this relationship with my father I never want to stay there.  To stay there would be a detriment to my relationship. This live I have tried to live out fail and suceed and get back up and do it again.

I thought my journey was over but it wasn't my daughter slowly the one whom I have raised for sometime started to at the age of 17 wander.  She was either missing a part of herself or someone had convinced her that she has a piece that was missing.  Either way the truth was she needed to go on this journey and I made a promise almost 15 years ago that I would release her to go on that Journey.  Though I knew it was coming I was not prepared.  My baby girl my gift from God..would leave and i would once again go to this place of desparity.  This time however because I had a promise and because I had a word to go back to that was shared with me sometime ago...I slipped back to the place of KNOWING that God was doing his will.

God reminded me that Sometimes Storms do not come to just cause destruction but to clear a path.  God speaks to me alot.  Sometimes more that I would want.  I know that sounds strange but it is true. Wither I do something bad or Good the Spirit of the God is with me REMINDING me showiing me, correcting me and loving me.

I do not know what this new part of the Journey holds but I know that just like the Journey previous to this one and the ones before that I cannot do this alone.  I need to ask God for this wisdom, for his direction.  I want to learn from my past not continually move forward and not learn anything.  I want to be honest, genuine and without restraint.  I want to be forgiving, loving, gracious, understanding.  I want to and want to continue to seek what God has for me and more than anything am convienced that God owes me nothing.  That his promises are perfect and true and the TRUTH of his GOSPEL and his love no matter how we want to doctor it or change it needs to stay the TRUTH because this TRUTH is greater than any story we can make up.  It is greater that the platform of intellectualism or the valleys of emotionalism.  It so stands on its own and is so powerful and life changing that it seems the more we TEACH it the further away from the truth we get but the MORE we LIVE it the closer we Get.  My learning is not stopping and I don't intend to believe that it ever will.  I just know who I put my trust in and WHAT I put my trust in THE TRUTH.