Bursting out from the Inside Out

Thank you, Thank You, Thank You, Lord....
I feel so good. I woke up this morning at 6am. I have decided to go on a 6 day fast. I feel so energized so full of the spirit. I ready to take on the world. I feel so energized with that which God has given me. I want to be a good steward of it. I will makes sure that I stay in the Vine. John 15. That is what this week will be about. Hopefully from it will grow habit. I pray that it will. I have energy grace and love to do the things I need to do to be a good father, a good husband and a good leader primarily. Thank you again father and thank you for those who are praying for me. We all need a little prayer sometimes.

I am truly Bursting from the inside out with the Joy of the Lord and his Plans.

A Light In The Darkeness

When we are sometimes going through our worst of circumstances the smallest things are Joys to us. This morning I spent alot of time getting my daughter ready for church. More than I ever had before. I literally enjoyed every minute of it. Even when she fussed. I know that the 2 things that My Father in heaven has allowed in my immediate life are my daughter and my realtionship to God. These are suffice to bring anyone through.

Today was an offset of Saturday. I have left that behind looking to see what awaits my future. I am looking for that open door. I know there is a purpose and a plan and I am not ignorant to it. I just have to stay tuned into it. I don't exspect anyone not even my own family to understand me right now. This is why my realtionship with Jesus is so very important. In difficult times family and even friends will shut you off. There is only so much people can deal with. It is 6am monday morning and for whatever reason this Blog has taken 1 and 1/2 nights to write. I sleepy all day after having one of the greatest fathers day dinners I have ever had cooked by my father. I enjoyed my time with my father. I wish he would have spent a little more time with me. He trys his very best. It is difficult for him to show feeling so under his hustle and bustle of gettting things done his heart is in the right place usually. Sometimes his pain. pains me. For some reason there is something very great missing in his life. He trys to fill it up with other things. My heart is that one day he will find what this is.

Father's Day Suprise!!!!!!!! (Sometimes the Answer is in the Pain)

Today for "Fathers Day" I went to visit my wife. (If I have not already mentioned she is in a Treatment center till she gets better. I was waiting for her recovery.) She looked beautiful. All dressed up nice and I saw her. She seemed suprised that I was there. I did not understand why? Upon getting some hamburgers a hot dog and drinks and chips for this "Father's Day Celebration" I was introduced to my wifes new boyfriend. She said it had to be uncovered but it was the wrong time. I was devistated and in pain. Aside from the Pain. I had been waiting almost as I see it 5 yrs for my wifes recovery. I had faith that god would bring her through but sometimes it is not always how we would like it. That night I danced all night trying to stay away from the situation and allowing my wife to visit her daughter. Ultimatly I could not longer keep it in. I left in a hurry and cried all the way home. There was a pain that I cannot possible explain and will not go into any effort to explain. Sometimes answer comes in the pain. yes" Lord where to now? What must I do? Sometimes being fathiful does not always have it rewards however faithfulness is the reward in itself. I love you Adrianna and Always will and I will never give up knowing that my Father in Heaven can change things. I also know that they are not always what we choose. What we want. Or even sometimes what we need or think that we need. Jesus Christ is the only thing that can determine that. This is what we mean by Master...Maker...Creator....
To least I was ticked...upset, distraut, in pain, suffering, disillusioned and angry. Thank you lord for bringing me back.

Exhausted in my Townhome after Mary's 1st Birthday..YAWWN!! make me tired just looking at it. 

Back in the Dayz

My Wife Adrianna and Myself --Many -Many Years Back...i think it was in 2000. 

Isn't She Beautiful 

A Revelation

I got real blessed today. I got this revelation from one of the deacons at the church today that allowed me to see things entirely different. The Revelation was one day "Maurice" our deacon was sitting around wondering why people could not be more like me. Read more... Pray more..
listen more...etc... then while wondering this all day long he got along with God and God (The Lord Jesus Christ) asked him. Why can't you be more like me.
This is so deep it cut hard. We sit and judge others about where and when they should be somewhere, someplace or where they should be at in their walk or even in their relationships, job, homelife etc.. when in fact we all come short of the glory of the lord. Why must we hold ourselves as Gods and ask others to be like us.

How much I have changed

I remember so shortly that I had almost everything. I had a job paying about 3.5 to 4 K a month. I had my wife by my side a new baby girl and life did not seem right. I working at a computer company as a FAE - Feild Application (Jargon for Computer Techician who flys all the time). It seemed I had the world in my hand. I placed a time at a local coffee shop to write poetry and short rants proving that God did not exisit and that religion was an excuse for people; a crutch and a place I would never step into. I believed that we were our own Gods and life itself revolved around me. Though my shiny new Dodge Intrepid reflected the sun right and cash was in pocket. My happiness was not exactly there. Actually come to think about it. I actually thought I was happy. I just had nothing to compare it to. Getting married at an early age. Living a life of lies. Pretty much anything that came from my mouth was a lie. I was addicted to myself..addicted to money and believed that this was what it was about....I was never really a bad person perse. Like most I felt I have not killed anyone or hurt anyone that much and I really never stole anything. So I felt ...Hey what do I need to change?!

Then one day things changed...

It all happened in a little city called Claremont. Around 2 1/2 years ago. I realized that Life was so much more and eventually choose the path that leads to (eternal) Joy not temporal happiness and found a place to hang my old self out to dry. In the process I had to leave my situation with my wife and daughter ulimatly finding out that God is truly the only one that can change people, things and situations.

I have never been much of a person to tell stories. I am an abstract writer so this is going to be my attempt at telling my story via a daily Blog. This story is not to boost me up for I have made many errors. Very bad desions and I am no poster boy for rightousness.

However This story as you will see proves the wonder that is Jesus Christ.

THe purpose the plan and the people whom he calls daughter and Son.

This blog will be full of personal ideas... issues of the day as well as simple theology and maybe a doorway for you to open to see the very intimate very captivating side of a REAL PERSONS LIFE.

Looking back About 3 Years Ago

This is a picture of my Family amost 2 1/2 years ago. My daughter is around 8 months old. Her name is MaryJane 

My Daughter and Myself 

My First Blog (How Original)

I really don't know what to put in here. This is my first blog and I have many ideas.
But as you will see from the post I am very wild and crazy guy. I am the most unfocused person you could possible ever imagine. Computers, Music, Graphics, Film, Writing..'poetry...rants and raves, Worship music.... I do love the arts.

I have this strange balance ..of inbalance. Luckily I have christ in my heart. Without him no telling where I would be.