Broken Again.

Tonight after a long Sunday that encompassed both day and night. I cried all the way home. I was overwhelmed by the power of God. Not in "My Life" but the power of God. I quite honestly had to step back in awe of what "HE" has done. ABBA (PAPPA). Elohim - EL Shaddi and question my motives for doing what I do.

I repented because I knew that sometimes I have done things to be noticed. Only god knows. I pray that either way it is something of worthiness before God. I have simply come to this conclusion. That yes. I matter. That I could indeed hold all of these things inside and never share them. But why? I am worthy of Gods love and of his light. I am also worthy to share it. Without him. I am nothing. All that I have learnt to change and transform my life and continue to work more and more towards is worth nothing. If I do not fully look at myself and my heart and continue to seek GOD in all that I do. That the revelation of God comes from his spirit and not from anything else. That transformation comes by his spirit and that the revelation comes from a revelation and a living out of the what the spirit inparts.

I have been complacent. I have been waiting in the rafters for GOD To call when he has been leaving me voice mails. Saying ..why don't you pick up. I know you are there.

I am here. I am so sorry. I am so broken. I am broken because I would indeed be dead without you. I would have left this earth a long time ago. With nothing. Now If I am to leave. I know I will have everything. Everything in him and the Joy to spend time with my father in heaven. There is nothing like your love father. Your grace and your all encompassing authority in my life. "I" have been dull. I have heard and not walked I have watched and felt even by the words of man that I have to do this then this and then I can do what it is you have asked of me. I realize now however that it started with you "My new life" then would I not also be propelled by you in doing what you have asked. I have too long listened to the wise man. The one who knows or should know. But the test was do you hear me or do you just hear what you want to hear to put you in a comfortable state of ...well when I am ready and well look at me I am not ready. Will I ever be ready. Even when I am. I have been disobedient in not going forward. I have been studying for the test but forgot to take the test. I profess this and almost in fear of what I am going to say here. But what is the point of STUDYING if you never take the test. I want to take that leap into the wonderment of who you are of the ever changing mountains of faith, life, miracle and more importantly your holy and awesome word. I want to dance like David danced. I want to be happy the day I might die of a massive heart attack jumping for praise or that might be so broken I might die of a broken heart for your lost. I am so overwhelmed by the weight of all of this. I am so overwhelmed by your power but I am clearly and it seems I might not ever see as clearly as I would like but it is the constant desire to see you clearly that I will not stop looking for the very clearest picture of who you are in my, life to the lost and for those who are burdened by the lies of this world. I truly am broken and almost in tears I cannot hold back this desire to continue forward till I can go no longer. There are no longer boundaries and there never was. There was this idea that I could have others make my choices for me. That I might seek continually support and also the great council of the wonderful people and team that God has given me in his grace that I might NEVER speak and ill word toward. I have been blessed by GREAT men of God. But sometimes we are even tested in this. Man is flawed and will always be. Our emotions leave us empty and sometimes in places we would rather not be. But sometimes when you hear GOD over and over again. Saying the same thing. Then confirming it before you. The council of God is far greater than the GREATEST of all men. Both wise, saved unsaved or whomever you might come to in your trials and heavy laden heart.

God has said it. I must hear it.
Must do it.
Most Move and Must not let the words of others change
the power of what you have said. I can and am able to do what you
given me the task to do. I am seeing the outlines. I wish I knew more. Only time will tell where this all leads. But there is a fire growing deep inside that I CANNOT CONTAIN IT!.. can you feel it. I can.

A Place I Like to Call Home

Funny how our world that revolves around us is so important. We look at disasters on television and as long as they are not next door to us or in the same city we live in we are very easily
uninterrupted by any event. Unless of course it is so catastrophic that is gains National attention and guilt sets in.

Like Katrina. ...That was to get your attention with a bit of harsh truth. -

We live our lives, move from place to place and even (change) friends now and then to accustom our new life. We don't very often think about other situations or circumstances and we seldom "feel" we have a chance to show our expressions of human "love" until the next disaster comes around. Even though we have situations around us in our city and even in our own families.

With every type of occultic activity that blazes across our Television, our Marketplace and even in our children's playthings little to no alarm in brought to us. This ,though suttle waits in our backyard ready to be discovered. The ultimate effect is the behavior and attitude of our children some 20 to 30 years later. Then it will be too late to right what was wronged.

I like to call this "a place I call home". Many people have it. It is a place in their thought and in their mind where they feel "everything is alright". We in this state find ourselves in a place of complacency. Unmoved, unmotivated and dispassionate to express. I mention this because I have and am a victim of this occasionally. I find it my duty almost daily to jump from this mindset and set into an active state. [So I speak from both experience as well as perspective.] For the average Christian or even unbelieving reader this situation seems small and minute but indeed it is the mindset that makes us as Christian ineffective and thwarts the minds of unbelievers to looks to another "religion". The average unbeliever who is now reading this will completely agree. How many times have you heard "Buddhist are great people...that must mean their religion is good and true... they are so "honest" and "trustworthy" unlike some Christians who do not practice what they preach."

If this was a Marketing game the one with the most appeasing religion "presentation" makes it to heaven. This would indeed be a great way to "pick" your religion. I do not believe Christianity would be on the top 10. Any religion professing to give me salvation through the dying to myself and sin, living for others and Christ Jesus a man who was God proclaiming to eat of his flesh and "drink" of his "blood". The implication of possibly carrying the cross for others sometimes if need be and being crucified on a cross with him. Indeed this religion would not if by initial appeal (worldly perspective) be on my top 10.

However it is clear that..well that is just too "fair" and we do indeed live in an unfair world one or what some might call a "Just" one. For that reason only those who's faith is in Christ Jesus will enter into heaven. Jesus Christ is the Judge. A Just judge. I did not say it. The Bible does if you don't believe me here it is. So no hate mail. I like to read mostly love mail. and um....Constructive criticisms mail.

Excuse my candidness in presenting the wonderful "gift" of salvation but we have indeed sometimes made it so complex and obscure that even Christians grab hold of salvation and let go of their faith on occasion. Tozer speaks of this in his book "The Pursuit of God". "...Now as always God discovers himself to "babes" and hides himself in thick darkness from the wise and prudent. We must simplify our approach to him. We must strip down to essentials (and they will be found to be blessedly few). We must put all away all effort to impress and come with the guileless candor of children. In agreement The Lord says in his word. Luke 18:16

I don't think I need to explain the Place I like to call home situation anymore. But it is like an uncleaned room. That is very unclean but you are so used to it that you almost cannot
operate without it being in its current state [messy]. That by the way is from experience for any of you Fruedens. We call it what we want to call it. Creative, different or that is "just me". It is clear that once we have died we are to become renewed. Renewed like a child or for a more artistic flowery perspective. Like a new born Gazelle. Ready to leap, ready to run (sometimes from predators). We should leap like a Gazelle. Not always physically. But most definitely spiritually. We think by complicating it that we can avoid indeed what we are to do and this place we call home becomes a prison that stops us from doing what God has asked us to do.

Sometimes we need to become uncomfortable. In order to make change. Many times our cushy jobs and sleek cars and happy home life is but a distraction of what we need to be. Messengers.
Messengers of the Good news (Gospel) and the truth of the World. Now I could become a reactionist and start handing our leaflets in a darkened street to people. Or I could begin to imply the change in my life so that others might see it. Proclaim it and live it. Then perhaps when time allows walk the streets and pass out leaflets. Okay that was a twister. How many times do we say. When god is done and ready with me I will do what I am called to do. Or for perhaps the unsaved.

"When my life is cleaner I am better. Not sinning urr..that what you call it right? Then I'll come to the Lord and um..well whatchamacallit. Umm give my life to Jesus".

The same argument rings true of people who are saved [who by the way are also sinners]. You will never be complete. You will never fully deal with your struggles and each day you wait to achieve your spiritual ladder is another day the Lord is without a messenger/soldier. Many Christian establishments and groups as well as organizations are built this way. But it is not biblical.

Imagine if you will a war. The war is on your family. Your friends, Your loved ones. Everyone. They "the enemy"" are now hovering overboard and now "the enemy" has embarked on a release of troops armed and ordered to kill your family and friends. Are you going to sit complacent with gun holstered? Saying "well I have not had proper training". "The gun is old and needs to be cleaned." "I do not have the right equipment." "no one has asked that I come to their rescue?" Absolutely not.

In the practical sense if someone was waging war against your family. You would be ready even if you were not ready. You would be ready to fight. Even if you had never fought. You might even be ready to kill if you had never killed. Case in point: You would fight for your life and theirs. - Make that a revelation if you can.

Understood that each person has their own battle and sometimes that battle can get in the way of their ministry. However are we so dull as not to know that God knows before he called us? I use the word dull because in scripture the word says are you so dull. Is my arm not long enough? In other words if God called you. Does he not know that you are in your present situation. Can he not use that situation as a testimony and thereby testify for all of those who love Christ Jesus the good does work in him for that which was to be evil.

Truly we must leave this state of worldly comfort. As before I stated I deal with this daily. I think most Christians do. Most people in general deal with complacency in one way or another but the amazing part of it. Is that all it takes is to realize: it takes only one person. You.

..and remember

• Abraham was too old


• Issac was a Daydreamer


• Jacob was a Liar


• Leah was Homely


• Joseph was abused


• Moses had a stuttering problem


• Gideon was afraid (coward)


• Samson had long hair


• Rahab was a prostitute


• Jeremiah and Timothy were too young.


• David had and affair and was a murderer


• Elijah was suicidal


• Jonah ran from God


• Naomi was a widow


• Job went bankrupt


• Peter denied christ


• the disciples fell asleep while praying


• Martha worried about everything


• The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once


• Zacches was too small


• Paul was too religious


• Timothy had an ulcer


• Lazarus was dead


Now Move. Read, Pray, Proclaim
And don't stop. "While" making every bibical,
practical and spritual decison to align with it.

Mat 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

The Spirit In Me

Where does the Spirit come from? A Box? Is it packaged?

Indeed a question that is answered by the volumes of scriptures. But by simply reading will we uncover truth or is there more truth underneath the pages and the text of the word of god?

What is on your Mind? Do you think of the Revelation of the First Love. Do you think about eternity? Do you think about the lost? Do you think about Salvation?
I ask this because if he is in you? Then that of the spirit and what the spirit is about should be your interest as well as your desire. Do you think of the endless days that will be spent before the king of kings? Do you long one day to touch his hand, to hear his voice and walk with him through his kingdom. As strange as these ideas may seem. That of the spirit desires the spirit. Before you anx me as being hyper spiritual which sometimes I am I must admit. I am speaking of the Holy SPirit and none others. The Trees and the Water, The Waves and the Mountains all bow down and shout the priases of God. Listen you will shurely hear it. They do not because God is in the them but that God has created them. The SPirit of GOd inside me sees the wonderful little things and the large big things that all man sees but how I percieve it shows just what I am admiring the creator or the creation.

In this God has fully shown a omnious spectrum of light in character in his creation but that all like myself am submissive before God to catch the rays of light that come from the place of life that comes only from the Father. Thank you Lord.

Touched by the Fathers Hand

In a Quiet Place Like this I see that I have simply come.
The radiant smile upon your face. The adorning praise of your angels from you that
which I can only imagine.

In row standing angels bowed one to the other elders before your throne.
I see that I have simply come to watch the adoring praise.
I wish I could stay longer ever farther into the line of each awaiting angel daring to move closer. Closer to your Throne.

Everlasting Light.
Everlasting praise that might
Shake the mountains, shake the earth,
shake the very foundations of man at birth.
In this I know I have been touched by the fathers hand
Only to see where he stands,
His foot upon the footstool spread across the land. Into its gregorious praise.
Each Angel stands to raise. A cup to his throne. To show the sacrafice was for his people. Not his own

The watcher. The looker me. Seeing once again and everylasting sea of winged angels that be bowed before his throne. Evyed by the angelic. Loved by the King.
Each and every Angel bowed while I cannot but look upon the light that stings.
Relax my child I hear him say. Today I have placed a crown upon your head.
You believed when you did not see. You trusted when there was no reason.
You did not store up for the season knowing I would provide. Knowing I would show the way. Your Trust your Faith. Your Love for others has brought a smile to my face.
I have a special place just for you.


Just then awoke to tears in the pages of the bible that my face was on. A dimly lit light in my room I lay. Looked upon the words that sat direct across from my face. Pained that the reality was not what I had saw but dreams of once will be. I saw that time had passed and day had come. It lighted through a autumn tree. With leaves bear light shine through my eyes I could not open. I could not see. Had this light blinded me? I ran to the water. To wash praying I had not become without sight. I realized clearly It was just a dream. As I watched my child approach me. She cried. Father what have you just saw you look as if you seen a ghost. I said relax my child..
I had a dream of the lord of Hosts. Who she said? I said dear child as strange as this may seem I had a dream I was with the king in his throneroom before Angels that sing. She laughed and looked at me. Daddy can I go? I said dear child. Eyes that will see when nothing is before thee. Heart that believes when your pain is evermore.
Trusting when there is no reason. My Daughter know this. I pray each and every day that you will soon see the King upon the throne. But I know I must walk as if it were my own. As if my walk depended on your life and in your destiny. I will walk hand in hand with God to set you free. She laughed once again as I held her in my arms. She said with her wit and her charm. Daddy. Yes. I replied. Tell me your dream word for word don't leave out a single part. I want to know of the king. I want to know of his heart. I want to know of the angels and of the songs they sang.
We broke into song and laughter as light now shown brightly in. We laughed and sang throughout the day, outsiders nearly watching in. The laughter and the song was heard throughout the house that day. A wooden placard upon the wall the wind did gently sway. It was not very complicated just only a few word. "As for me and my household. We will serve the Lord.

A Lighter Shade of Grey

I thought of this topic while listening to a clip from the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. He mentioned a Grey world. A Grey people looking for a place of mediocrity. I thought instantly of myself first. Which is usually the wisest thing to do but not always the most pleasing thing to do in the immediate. However thinking about it I see where I and many times the church have put myself in a grey area as not to have an identity and not have a calling but more a task of things to be done that never are accomplished.

I think about Abraham going to top of the mountain in knowledge of what he was doing to his "only" son (take your son "your only son" only to be stopped by the grace of God by a horned animal a Ram. All of these visions flying into my head. What would have become of this if they had taken the Grey way. If their convictions had not been solid but placed more on feeling than revelation. Where would have Luther have been? Possibly he would have been dead before any change had come to the things that were occurring in the church would have been brought to attention. Where would society be if people only settled for the Grey but never had fine lines or a fine color to their thought.

As Christians we cannot play in the Grey but must embrace fine lines while still allowing ourselves a knowledge of the Grey. We must be approachable in areas that are not always "Godly" that usually fall in the Grey etc...Yet not be sold over to them. We must embrace the estranged and the lost and grey so that they might find life (color). Jesus Christ.

In watching The Chronicles of Narnia. I am simply reminded of the darkness of war. Many times shot in rough video and many times in black and white. Even the war of recent the video though in color my soul sees a grey and darkness to it all. Though I honor the soldiers who are and have died; war is not pretty. No matter how far you stretch your imagination.

Narnia was a place where once their was a decision of a child that it would open a door to a new place of mystery to most. A place of a war that was fought of a Paradise now turned to an Icy world. All because of the deceiving White witch and her desire to Rule Narnia.

A Child-like person Lucy foolish enough to believe revealed the real war which lie behind the Wardrobe. A Wardrobe being the choice of Salvation and Narnia being that new world in which GREY is not a choice. But sides must be chosen or you will surely become prisoner or yet worse Cold stone.

Much like the battle we enter as Christians we need our sword and our spirit to survive this world and much like the children who followed Lucy into the wardrobe People follow our wonderment out of desperation when they get into a Jam (baseball going through the window). But yet again stumble into the same place of Salvation. Some stay, some Go. Others try and deceive others that there is no such place. When in fact we know because we have been there.

Nanria is this depliction much like C.S. Lewis other characters in "Mere Christianity" that there must be a decision in this world. In this time a Lighter Shade of Grey will not due. We think by simply becoming quieter that the fact of the real world and war will go away. But the war the battle of the faith rages on and always will till Jesus comes back and even then an even greater war will be fought.

We do not defeat the inadequacies of this world by believing there is no such place.
That the war does not exist. To many outside of the Kingdom of God there really is no such place as only in the mind of fickle man. But to the saved this place is very real. Because the place of Narina to man is very real. A need for redemption as well as like Lucy a sacrificial desire to proclaim it and show it to their loved ones.

You cannot live it out quietly if you so choose in hopes of not destroying your testimony all you will do is dilute the meaning more for others who are proclaiming it. If one person in battle is fighting with their all and someone within the same rank is not. It is very clear that those around the Lighter shade of Grey will not fight as hard could possibly die and loose the GREAT battle.

We as Christians if we so love the people like God. "to love one another" will proclaim. Will believe and will fight on knowing that it is Gods will that the love of denying oneself is greater than any other love.

So you may not feel well. You may be at risk of loosing your Job. Possibly a friend but is it better too loose them to the White Witch (Satan)? As clearly as this message has been and will be for all the worlds time. Many will dilute it. Pollute it and call it something else. But the message is very clear for people who clearly want to see it.

My plea. Is not the case of Narnia. But not to live your life as a Christian quietly. If you do the people you profess to love will only be reflected and the true love will be revealed in your desire not to show them the truth of the Way. Of The Lord Jesus (Aslan) and his redemptive death on the cross.

It is clear God is sending a message and has been for some time. As a Christian do your duty and through away the lighter shade of Grey. Quieter is no better. Smaller is not more worthy. True we must be humble but unto others of our own accomplishments. But Paul boasted in the things of the Lord and NEVER was ashamed or felt prideful in doing so. For if there be any Glory. If there be any proclamation. If there be any claim to fame. Let it be Jesus Christ - Our Lord and Savior. The "Lion" of Judah.