Why don't you lead the way

It is Monday evening..early Tuesday morning and my weekend has been one of remeberance. I asked myself during this time of being with my daughter and my wife. Is this what you want? I replyed yes. I think I would need to be crazy not to. But as in my time with my wife I realized there are still some undealt things in her life as there are in mine. Can God heal those things? I believe he can. I also believe that he can do even more than I know. Do I trust? I do trust in him. I know myself and I know that I need to be cautious that I might not hurt my daughter in this process. I love her dearly and nothing will ever be good or come to good if it results in her damage. So I am making choices with the guidence of the Bible. With the word of God and prayer and I am looking for the strength in God to deal with these things because I cannot deal with them. I feel free and I feel my prayers have been answered now I feel God saying. Okay Now how about you? What are you going to do now. I simply say Okay God I'm with you why don't you lead the way and I'll follow behind you. The last time I fouled things up pretty bad. :)

Working on Hearts

God works on peoples hearts. I think the reason for this is becasue it beyond all things is the one thing that's very nature to become decietful, hurt and against God. Recently as my Blog has continued you could see where God has made my heart soft once again. Less calculated. However I am weary of many things. Many things are changing now. My wife has recently contacted me and she wants to reconcile our relationship. We had a great time at the park with our daughter. My prayers I know are answered. Am I though where I need to be? I fret not. This brought be sheer Joy and sheer terror. I know that God wants to move me on. Can I take that step. god has been working on all of our hearts. I know this as well. What though have I been doing. In fear of loosing have I stepped forward. Or have I edged back. Sometimes though we may not say it or express it we sometimes give up. I think to an extent I did. I wondered if it was possible once again at all. I wonder seriously about what God wanted for me. For my daughter and for My wife. I did loose ground. I felt that though my faith was in God that perhaps God will was not for this marriage to come back together at all. I am reminded over and over again how God does not like divorce. Some transalations say hate. So I am steping forth in faith that I might loose it all over again. I am praying as I would hope anyone who is reading this might also that I do make the right choice that I am not guided by my heart but my spirit and that I make a decision of faith based on the direction of my father. I am faced with the delimma of divorce or living and working in a disfuntional relationship in how that God will mend and take care of it. Either way will be painful. But I ask myself which will be more profitable in the end. I do have faith. I know that it will come. I know all things will pass. Everthing will come into picture soon. However I am not faithful of myself. My own actions or my own feelings. This is where the seperation comes. To be honest my response was no never. I can not imagine returning back to that. But can God not change people and situations. I do believe he has. I am so arrogant as to say. Hey I can fall but noone else can? The bible says we must forgive 70 x 7. This is what amazes people who are not in Christ. How could he? Why should he? Why don't he? It is a stuggle. A Struggle that I cannot concieve will end. I must make a decision for it to end. A decision that could be very likly the most painful or rewarding one. God help me. PLEASE.. Help me!

I will Inhabit your praises

I have to say shortly after writing my "Attacked from all sides" I felt pretty bad. I know what I said needed to be said. But I fear that becasue of how I felt I perhaps might have said it in the wrong spirit. Either way. I will not remove it.
I fell to the floor last night in submission hoping that god would come. I began to sort of cry when I heard nothing. I asked why? I was doubting my connection with God. I thought something had gone horribily wrong. I was right I began to believe this lie. I began to believe I had lost that connection. Just then a song by Johnathan Pierce came on "Praise the Lord" The Song goes like this

When you're up against a struggle
That shatters all your dreams
And your hope has been cruelly crushed
By Satan's manifesting scheme
And you feel the urge within you
To submit to earthly fears
Don't let the faith you're standing in, seem to disappear

(Chorus)

Praise the Lord
He can work with those who praise Him ,
Praise the Lord
For our God inhabits praise,
Praise the Lord
For the chains that seem to bind you
Serve only to remind you that they drop powerless behind you
When you praise him

Now satan is a liar
And he wants to make us think
That we are paupers
When he knows himself
We're children of the King
So lift up the might shield of faith
For the battle has been won
We know that Jesus Christ has risen
So the work's already done

As I heard this song I realized that the scheme of Satan had been sucessful.
I got up and began to praise. The joy returned. My heart felt at ease. I could feel the spirit of GOd. I has been convienced that I had lost the spirit of God. How? I really don't know. You know the word of God? You are not to waiver but still sometimes these feeling do come through

I love this last part.

Now satan is a liar
And he wants to make us think
That we are paupers
When he knows himself
We're children of the King
So lift up the might shield of faith
For the battle has been won
We know that Jesus Christ has risen
So the work's already done

So in this I know God spoke to me.
I am not a man who is sinless. I am not man to claim his worthiness for any reason.
I am worthy unto nothing. This is not fake humility I do believe this. However I know that I am not so wise not so read and not so in the spirit that I cannot fall, believe in Satans schemes and loose my ground. Paul warns that we should not think to highly of ourselves. I try and live that daily. If any of my enteries ever look like that I have to apologize. I am trying to write a journal that shows the walk both in its high and in its low. In this I cesor nothing.

I have many things I still must go forward into. Changes and confessions that need to be made. Just today I spent some time with a beautiful family. I spoke to the wife and her husband her children so understanding so sweet they all are. However I got a message I cannot ignore. The pain of getting a message like the one I recieved is that yes it is accepted with Gladness but still I must believe so much that I might endanger my daughter, myself, those who have been there for me. This is the deliemma. I now know what God is testing me for. Shall I loose everything and Go back and confess. Or shall I loose everything and not confess. In order to protect people I have told people things that would be considered a lie. How this grieves me. I sometimes wonder why God does not give up on me. This pains me even more. Do I live my life for Christ. yes. Do I go through trials and tribulations. Yes. Do I believe and trust in God to know that I can drop my guard and perhaps loose everything I have. That is yet to be proven. I have not lost Christ. Those who read might point accusation or blame. However I say. I have no excuse. No excuse for the sin of deception and moreso the sin of not trusting in God enough to drop my own vices and devices of protection I have set up for myself. What a heart mankind has.

Does This World Speak to you?

Racial, Discrimination, Warand Abortion
Does this world speak to you?
Highways Biways Freeways, Toolways, Seaways, Place
for immigration
Does this world speak to you?

Hate, Anger, Drugs, Abuse, Destruction
People with a short fuse.
Does this world speak to you?

Fingerpointing, Flusteration
Long, Long hours, No Vacation.
Does this world speak to you?

Our own laws our own rules
Cause Chaos.

-LFJ

The Works of Our Hands

The works of our hands can not gain
what we lost in trival pain
in losing touch with God's desire
we begin to lose our inner fire.

-LFJ

Attacked on All Sides.

I am pained to write this becasue I fear it will destroy the testmony this page is about.
However what I have found is that we all must come down to some level of humanity. Wither in be in pain in sorrow or in whatever emotion we might be feeling. For us to believe that simply Jesus takes care of everything is to ignore that God himself made the emotions and pain and love that we feel.

My friends are all very distant. My family is also very distant. The only thing I have and I know I have always had is my daughter and my father in heaven. Even my daughter is feeling distant. And whatever Attack this might be of the enemy the pain is very indeed painful.

I am known to be the man with the thick skin. Nothings bothers him. It all slides off my back in the name of the Cross of Jesus and the pain and suffering he endured. Strangly though as of recent that is not the case. I am now very compassionate for those around me and am beginning to see side of people and motives of people I never thought I might see. It is as if a shroud as been lifted so that my heart would once again be plyable. This is great in many cicumstance not so great in others. If we pray for a compassionate heart that heart also feel pain more. It feels hurt sorrow and suffering. I am not able to stonewall it anymore.

My closest of friends now all away. Even my friend I introduced to you now seems to be at bay for a short time. I feel alone again. Alone with God? Is there such a thing. Yes..there is. My daughter now angry at me. My thoughts rile in the night. I pray but it seems to only keep it at bay. I am being attacked. I also sense other things are wrong. Things that I know nothing about but for some misplaced reason I feel it.

I hear pain of others. I feel pain of others
I now am feeling tired and weak when I wake and when its time to sleep.
I read the bible but grow tired. I worship but all ends in a tear and my lying on my guitar falling asleep. I know something is wrong. I am scared. But noone is there to speak to. Noone wants to hear. My father is away and would not understand me. My friends all away. My tears unto heaven I hear the same things. Things I cannot so certainly take care of. I wish I could. I pray Lord and ask if anyone is praying out there that they might pray for me. I do indeed need it. I am not and nor will I always be on top of the Hill or mountain or whatever you might call it. I think there is an arrogant side of Christianity that says if you are not something is indeed wrong. we all walk this walk different. We cannot judge. Not those around us. Not a church the people or their leader. We all must take account for our own actions. For the first time in a long time I long for my wife. What for I ask? I don't even know that. Have you ever been in a room and asked why you went in there? WHat did I come in here for. My last few days have been that way. Why? Oh..Lord don't let anything happen..(Dont let this attack of the enemy stick). One thing I do not want is to loose you. I know you will not leave or forsake me. But I know If I were God I might leave me. Thank God...im not God.

There is a arrogance about the Church that has no compassion that has no love. Many of them just don't recognize it. Their pains have stopped so they see no need for others to continue.
I feel mine have never ended so maybe I just don't know how it is not to have them. BUt I do know this. Where are the people of God when others need them most? God has used man. Man to spread his word and his love. However we are more comfortable, watching movies, playing on a computer, going to the zoo. Have we engulfed our lifes so much with our own personal desires that GOds cannot get through. I myself a man guilty of this. Ohh what pain it is.

I know why some return back to the world from Christianity. It is simple. Christians do feel that they are higher than those around them. They may not say it but in their actions they do. This puts the world off to them. Christians feel they have an authrity to place judgement on those around them. Many speak out against all sorts of things. But they never speak for salvation for the lost or for the Gospel. We get ourselves in petty arguments that take us nowhere and leave the kindgdom of God short a few million soldiers. Why cause Bobby wore a Heavy metal shirt to church. Sally has a boyfriend who has long hair. Joe is listening to the wrong music. Howard is having problems with his wife this week. Do we pray for them. No we speak about them. We spead rumors in a way that says "We need to pray for so and so. We leave it there and we take nothing back with us. NO comapassion just finger pointing. For what to increase the Kingdom of God. How many people want to be a part of this?

I have seen the errors in my ways and repent for them. wHat use are we of Gods if our own preferences get in the way of the different people he has chosen for his Kingdom. Are we here to tell God who is in and who is out. Did he not choose them?

Churchs speaking about other Churches!? Are we not all part of the same body. Stop chopping the legs and arms off of your own people! I take no pride in this. I have done it. Why!!?? Ohh God why I cry now becasue YES I feel I have been a victim time and time again. A Single father who came from Lying now has to not only prove daily that he is not a lier but that he is a Good father. A Man of God. A Man that upholds truth and integrity in his life. I do. But I do fail. Do all have a magnifing glass on them daily? I do. I have dealt with hipocracy in the church. Pride and every other thing you can possibly imagine. Regardless of what some might say does this hurt Christianity. No it does not. Becasue what Christ stands for is Freedom from Sin. Salvation from Death and Debt that we cannot repay. This has nothing to do with this issues we try and tackle daily with people. Christ will do his bidding in people life. He will have his plan and his purpose. Regardless of what others might believe. So is it in error becasue of who has chosen. No! Becasue the process of whom God has chosen. These people septiable to judgement, anger, pride, sin, all have one thing in common as the Whold entire world. They all need salvation. Question me if you wish. The truth is already known in your own hearts. The spirit is love and compassion.

I say all that to say this. Why do we as christians do this? I being a person who has done this. Are we looking only for the Elite to join when Jesus said to the Pharasis to remember the least of them. Yes.. The least. The ones who do not have it together. have no home. No job. And don't seem to listen. Yes those too. Yet we believe that we hold to ruler the Gun of condemnation. Is that not the Lord's job? I have seen far too many people hurt and it hurts me more to see it. I myself riddled with this bullets of persecution. Do I feel sorry for myself. No I am Smypathtic to those who have had this happen to them in their church. But I do say once again that the Glory of the Lord. The place he has planeted and called you to does not change. He will have the Glory in the End. All we as people I think can hold up as some type of accomplishment is that we did not tare apart our brothers and sisters in christ? Or did we?

Discouragement or Encouragement

Recently while in listening to a message from Jim Lamont. I came to the understanding of what the difference between discouragement and encouragement is. Through the last few days I feel in many ways I have been encouraged and in other discouraged. Many times in the body of christ we have a hopeful desire and embedded even deeper is a need to discourage for that we feel we have some athorority to do so because of what we might think that we know or know of. It is really that important the bible says that all members of the body are of importance. Even making it easier to understand by reducing each as a body part. Is you heart not needed or the brain no each are essential parts to your operating body. Why is it we feel a need to tare apart the body inside and out. For who are we to judge unless invited to give our point of view. Authority is invited not forced. As in my acceptance of Christ is my life I have made the decision for God (Jesus Christ) to be my leading and guiding light. I fall short many more times than I would like to admit. However it was an Authority that I have invited into my life. Are we Encouraging or Discouraging? The Bible says that a "A House divided upon itself will fall" Since I have agreed to the authority that is Christ in my life. I must take all that he says very seriously. Even that which I may not agree with or feel discontented with. I always had trouble with Matthew where it states that if a man not hate his mother and children he cannot follow me. WOW! Through more understanding and maturity that I am sure I will continue to form and shape in I have realized that Christ must be first. This is what the scripture is saying that your love must be so powerful for me that your love must be in comparison like hate to those whom you love. WOW!. Now in accepting this scripture in authority that is Christ. I also must understand that I must love others. Especially in the body. If this is the case. Do I show love by discouraging or encouraging. The Bible says that loves build up and does not break down. The bible says that we must build each other up in the faith. The Bible never speaks of the contrary. By judging where does that take us. In the Throne and seat of the Lord most high. This is a place of great responsibility and of which we will never have an understanding of. If this is the case how come we as people put ourselves there daily. For the words we speak if not from God are from Man. Mans heart will always be deceitful and will always be against God. In this we must understand that we daily if not in Christ and in his authority will try and dismantle that which God has already planned and purpose. In other words. The words are dead will fall to the side and the purpose and plan of God will not be changed. Simply you will be fighting a losing battle against the God most high by going against those whom he has made in his image to do his will.

Choosing Your Battles - To Fight or Not to FIght

Dudley Daniel - Founder of NCMI (New Covenant Ministries International) has a great book that he wrote on the problem of the church and leaders as well as I believe people in general. The book focuses around the problem that we fight battles that many times were not intended for us to fight. That many times we come into a situation or problem and try ducking it out on our own without consulting God. The problem with this is that we loose out and many things that God has intended for us are lengthened and therefore it takes longer to get where we need to be. This is what it means by choosing your battles wisely. We must realize many times we cannot save the world and most importantly that we cannot please everyone all the time we must also come to terms that we will offend some and some may not like us for various reasons. This if we are living in love and spirit of Christ should not be a concern of ours. When Jesus was accused of being Satan in Mark and when he was captured and spit at. He did not spit back. Why? Because he had a purpose and plan and knew that he must follow the ways of his father so that his death would not be in vain. The Father has purposed everything through his son. Being the Son was the God in the Flesh. So. In being all this it is easy to see that the Lord himself did not involve himself in things he was not called to deal with. Why not us as well. The Lord spoke "It is finished" upon his last breath on the cross. This signified that all was done and his will was done. The idea that the Lord himself did not involve himself in many situation and took no haste in situations that he knew were in control. For instance the fact that Jesus waited Days before going to heal Lazarus after he heard of his death. The Lord knew that time would not matter and as he spoke upon healing. He waited do that his glory would be shown. Lazarus was basically confirmed dead and all rituals had been performed that man could solidify that he was indeed dead so that his rise from the dead would be more miraculous and show the healing power of our Lord and savior, Whom which time has not matter. So being the children of god we realize that we have a purpose and plan and many things arguments situations and problems are not ours always to fight. I am not saying to be a pacifist. What I am saying as a famous General once said. Save the bullets for the real war". The lord himself in his nature was not a pacifist but as Jesus a man of change (not of himself but of that around him), patience, kindness understanding and authority. We must realize that when we argue or fight about petty things that the enemy is trying to have us focus on things that are less important so that he can get past us and cause confusion in our camp. The enemy for those not Christian is the Devil (Satan). The one who should purpose is to Seek, and Destroy all in his path. However he may. Don't loose the battle by fighting with your own soldiers or fighting a battle that your Commanding Officer (GOD) has not called you to. It is difficult for me as well. I simply can say that a majority of all my issues and problems were brought by not understanding this sooner. Also that when God speaks to you. You better listen. The Lord is full of Grace and Mercy for those whom he loves and has chosen which by biblical word is all of humanity conditional of only accepting the death and deity of the Son (Jesus Christ). Ask the Lord to give you understanding and let him work in you and you will see the glory that is Him.

At The Zoo with Mary!...Hey Mary Look at Daddy..He can make a monkey noise too. 

Couple of the Guys...Pretending like they are Drunk on rootbeer...:) Ha HA! ..And Eddie with a Big Smile in the Camer.. 

Another Chapter.

It seems there is another Chapter being written in my life. I do not know how to explain it but it seems that through loosing my wife gaining my daughter and forgeting resposibilites I have found that the old way of doing things is not working. As God has purposed me for If I continue doing things the old way I am going to loose ground soon. I know however that though this may be very difficult indeed to face. I am going to have to face various things that I have let go that need immediate attention. This is the chapter being written. "Things to Be Done" This time however the meaning of DONE needs to follow through with what Christ meant by "It is Finished" There must be no reason to track back to the past from which I came. I must take care of all past issues and bury them. That way they can never return back to me and I cannot return back to them. As in Elisha I must burn my PLOW. Why it has taken so long to realize this I do not know but It comes to me to understand that I best do something about it becasue writing about it does not accompish it simple set something up for accomplishment. Will I finish this time? I Pray the Lord that I do. I do feel an energy that is rocketing me about getting things done. Taking care of unclosed issues and the energy is not my own. I know that God is on my side. Now I simply must show him that I care enough about this and his plan to make sure it is done his way and not my own.

CardBoard Boxes

Lived A Life in An Old Broken Down House,
And a corner that was devoted to the family mouse

A Bed broken down and springs worn,
Ragged shoes and a shirt thats torn

Remember your the times you fought and they rung the bell?,
And the babies that were born and then you sell.

The people don't rmember when your so lame
And the babies born with silver spoons think it's a game.

Need a place to live!
Need a place to sleep!
To shelter us from the creatures that creep!

Need a place of protection
Free from rejection
And full of affection we seek

The Voice Within 1996

-LFJ

Baptism Again. Goodbye the last of the sticky self.

Today was my third baptism in water. I have very seldomly felt the way I do now. I really to be honest with you feel very at level. Almost at Zenith of what God has called me to. I upon listening to a word given to me realize that I have had the grace and the love from God to do the things I have needed I simply was afraid because I believed more in my hands then in the hand of God. I feel at a stand still in my life like I need to be doing something but that thing has yet to be clear. I remember hearing a saying that said. "Many times we look for a new horse to tend when the old is running ragged and has not been washed" In otherwords maybe I am not moving forward because issues of the past have yet to have been dealt with. I thought for a moment what an awful God. Then realized that in his nature he does not want to pile us with more than we can handle so we must deal with the things that God has told us before we can continue into the new of what God can or as we sometimes thing GOd should give us. This is what the Baptistm was for. I came to the Baptism as a spectator dressed in my clothes. And as the Baptism opened I felt the lord as GO! GO in. I asked "Why" The lord showed me through the prothetic that the old tools were no longer working. I thought about the old tools. Rusted many times old tools can cause more pain than good and many times using old messed up rusted tools can make a task take twice as long as it should normally. The tools that I am using the way that I have aphttp://livingforjesus.blogspot.com/proached the things of my life are not benificial at all for me. The lord has rebirth a desire to do away with the old and embrace the new. As in our walks daily we all must. In my wretched self that I would like to always think more highly of than I ought. I think how simple all of this might have been if I would have taken these steps before. Then I also realize and know that God knows what I am going to do before I do it. I do not have a cruel task master but a kind loving and authorative father that must have his will before my own. My true happiness relies on it and so does my salvation. God has always had the door opened for the change but my desire to do business as usual was far easier. Sometimes I do believe that is a lie from the enemy himself. I look back and think how much easier it might have been If I would have just listened to you from the start Lord. Ahhh...God is the God of Second third and forth chances but there is only ONE life and after that there is no more. The truth hurts.

Why I Go to Church?

It has been some time since I have made a entry. I suppose it is because of the questions that was asked just this Last sunday from a person serving some of the guys from my church at a Resturant. The question was "Why do you go to Church?" Now you would think a bible believing person would be able to answer that question easily however I challenge you to try it? Upon more times of reviewing this question for now what has been around 3 days or so. I have realized why this question is so difficult to answer. First is challenges the Sunday ritual of our Faith. Or does it? First why do I go to church? If the Church is me? We are the Church. THose who a does it? Those who are called by God (Saints = set apart). Scriptures such as do not forsake the gathering of the saints. or Iron Sharpens Iron. Or they gathered daily, worshiping praying and breaking bread with eath other in the temple courts and gathered even more frequently as the day approached also could be used. But are they not others words. Are not the action that man do also driven by other things as well. After thinking about this I realized that one does not have one given reason why they do anything. Much less attend a church. Or for the sake of not wanting to sound religious. Gathered at a place in which to Worship Our Lord. I will say I attend church for one main reason. I love to worship the Lord and learn more about him daily. So on Sunday I actually set that time aside just to do that. However Monday through Sat I also attend church as well. It is the testifying, witnessing and walking in the Light that God has given me. Shy a few days here and there from the hunanity that I am.

Serving the Lord
I do enjoy to serve the lord. I do however say that with a reserved thought in the back of my head. ANy and all the time. No ..Truly sometimes serving the lord can be gruling and testing. It is not always a joy in and of itself. However the Lord has a way of enabling you to do the difficult and many times come through with a lesson that is learnt. I hope you understand that there are most definatly pratical reasons why we go to Chruch. If we give a spritual reason for those who do not know Christ will they understand or will they listen..will they attend.



Why does someone attend a basketball game. Go to a soccer game to go see their kids play soccer. Go to the local club every certian day. A bar or certain gathering place every night or specific night. I have observed 3 reasons. Obligation and Expectation.

If you love your child you go and watch him play. You want to be involved in his or her life.
If you have friends and want to keep them you will occasionally or ritually pick a certain day to gather or meet with them. If you do not however love your child (which is possible today) you would attend out of obligation or exspection and in the same case as with a friend at an event weekly, biweekly or monthy yearly so fort.

However many people believe that the church has become to same type of gathering. Sadly many people do exhibit and believe this. However as in a child. If you claim to love God would you not want to be involved in his life. His plan and his purpose for your life? God and the Bible are not always easy to understand when you try and meet with him just in your home. This is why the Bible says Iron sharpens Iron. If I never attending an event with friends, went to a baseball game with my child and only heard of them in short burst of coversation would I know my child. If I never gathered at all with my child would I even have a relationship with them other than the functional realtionship of being his or her parent. Or the functional relationship of being so and so's friend.

The problem comes with the misunderstanding of the defintion of friend, parent and of what a true friend is. What defines unconditional love and what defines a church. The problem is people treat church as a functional occasion or ritual to pay the man for a ticket into heaven. Eternity Insurance. However what church is or the defined reason for Church is to be built up, grown if you will, taught, instructed and planted firmly into the life of Spirit of God so that one might both walk with understanding so that other might see the light through them an be saved. This is why Bible + nothing Bible - Nothing is essential to a strong church and strong body.

I do believe that the BODY of christ as interpreted in the NIV is exactly that. A body. The only place to feed the body would be through worship and through exalting that which created you. Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The Son of God. If you do not feed the Body that you today live in what will happen? If I refuse to eat I will die. If I refuse to drink I will wither away slowly. I will dehidrate. First with Dehidration comes weakness, The mouth becomes dry, Vision is lost, Your body begins to cramp up and eventually if you do not take care of the issue your body will begin to reject food and water all together and you will die.

Use that the illustration for Gathering of the Saints (church) one must drink. As humans we do not all drink and those of us who daily live in the spirit need to come to gather so that those that do not can learn and we can learn from them. God does not teach us and bare fruit in us so that we may eat of it of ourselves. I challenge you this. I you love God. Then go to where he has asked you. Worship him as you have been created for. Love him as he has asked so that you might learn to Love others.

Is Church the Answer?
No...A Relationship to Christ is. However how can one have a relationship with A Christ if one does not visit him in his dwelling place as he has asked?I rememeber attending a Logic class in my days of college. The instructor was dicussing the validity of a true existing God. His claim was that God did not exist becasue if he did he could touch see and know him. I very puzzled realized that for logician that he was the answer was very illogical. I asked him if he knew who Calvin Clower was? He said to me "NO" and stumbled in his voice "Who...what do you mean?" I replied "Calvin CLower..don't you know him." He replied "I do not understand and do not know where you are are going with this?..." I seeing the opportunity of using Logic to deconstruct his argument. Said "Calvin Clower lives in my neighborhood he is a living human being" I said like Jesus you have never visited Calvin so you do not know him. However I assure you if you come to my neighborhood you will understand that he does exist. However you have not so to you he does not exist." I assure you with confidence that I know, talk and visit him he does. However until you come to my neighborhood I could not prove to you otherwise. I could show you his Driver license or Birth Certificate. A Historcical Document. However since you say the Bible is not a Histrical document even though it has never in over the 1000 years of its first authgraph has never been disproven. Your desire not to look at this document as being valid as led you only to believe he does not exisit."

The Church. The Body of Christ is the Lord's dwelling place. I will assure you so is my bedroom. My car and sometimes pratically anywhere else. However only through me and my father in heavens connection that I learn to improve and refine through attending with saints at a place of worship is that all possible. So I say Church is the source of the things of God. Much like why I am the Church. However once my ideals become skewed because I no longer attend. Have not sharpened my sword. THe Lord I serve no longer becomes the true Lord but a made up idol of a God that I thought was but never was. Something of my own imgination not biblical because as a human being that I am. I become rusty.

Picture one LARGE Pool and smaller Pools of Water. The Large Pool is the Church (Gathering Place of the Saints) the smaller pools are the people of God. If the Ground dries up or if the Large Pool is what feeds the smaller Pool what occurs if the
Larger Pool dries up. The Church is like a Directory List at a Mall. We all have issues. Marriage, Love, Sex, Morality issues, Leadership, Parenting. Well the Church is like that Mall Directory List sending you to the right places so you don't wander or grow tired. It is not place with the answers but a place in which you can learn the locations of answers so that you are not going by man made rules that change twart and twist but God set values that never change. This enables you to live a life that is for The God you serve and worship thereby making your life fruitful in him.

Glimers of Light

I recently had a friend a very close person to my father and myself come to realization of her first love. She was excited. You could hear the tears in her eyes as she recieved a phone call reinforcing her spiritual insight of what God had called her for. I sometimes scratch my head when I hear and see things like this. I am reminded of when we drive along a highway during the night. I remember when I went across the U.S. with my grandparents how the light would reflect from the cars around and the streetlights just for a moment and how you could watch the light travel through the car then twist as it hit the edges of the shape of the interior of the car. Trying to read or find something on the floor is almost impossible. The glimmer of light is not peace to anyone. As a matter of fact it can be captivating and even at times as I remember as a young child it almost putting me to sleep. Like the pitter patter of rain the repetitivness of the light billiowing through the car and the sound of traffic and the wage of the force of the car turning around. Stopping and turning again. The Glimmer of light is so quick so light that nothing can be completly seen. Nothing can hold attention. The focus is usually on the light itself other than whatever you are trying to do. I do not know why I am inspired to write about this but I do feel that it is a very good illustration of our lives as people. Many times we are happy with the glimmer of light but all the light allows us to do is focus on the light and we cannot see our environment the things around us. THink of the times you were driving and were fighting with the seatbelt late at night as you twisted to find something you needed behind the drivers seat. There is never enough light and there seems never to be enough slack on the seatbelt. Our lives are like this. Many times we see enough light that we fail to continue looking for the light or fail to see what is going on around us. It is true blindness. It is truly a difficult situation. I am a bible beliving christian that believes only in the scriptures some might say that has limited my scope but I believe that it has broadened it. The Art that I once found so captivatiing I know realize is not art at all and have found that the art many times lies within the kingdom of God. Many artist might argue with me. Many intellectuals might question this line of belief. But I believe that God. His word the Bible are the source of what we call or least what should be called art. Artistic is what God has made. Would not the worship of the artist be more important that the art itself. Many artist so profound have their art work and within the title theirs name exist. Like Picasso's Cafe Terrace or Mozarts 5th Symphony. Why not God. Jesus CHrist our Lord Savior and Creator Earth.
My desire to create a documentary has not died but grown that this world has far too much evidence of Prophecy being fulfilled. That is would destain the Word of God and Up Hold the Shallow words of In God We Trust. A nation that is built on the very foundations of Jesus Christ now has decided to turn on the very foundations that made this nation the nation that it is or was at one time. We are nearing another election and people are more interested in a president that has people thoughts and desires to mind then what is right? Does this sound wrong? George W. Bush might have been a man of many things long ago but can not man stand up brush himself off and make a difference. I have very much respect in a man that regardless of what it might do to his POLITICAL IMAGE stood up for what was right and was very unpopular. Many people are antiwar but want change. Do they not realize that change of some time takes a great stand. Like Rosa Parks decision not to go to the Back of the Bus. A stand that indeed could have if given the right circumstances led to violence and even bloodshed. In a nation as large as ours is it not right to know that there cannot be no change without Radical change which in facts does require the onslaught of war. The truth comes again that we are happy as a nation with a GLimmer of light but when the decision comes to break down the wall and let the light show indefinatly there is a desire to keep that from occuring. Like Children this nation is not realizing or knowing what in fact is needs only knowing what it wants. This nation is happy with it's ideal that God is "The man upstairs" "The all powerful being" "The unknown" "The Higher Power" If there be one Blasphomey is would be this selfish blinding look and vision of who God our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is. I hope I do not come across to stong but sometimes we must stand for what we believe what we say we do and how we show it many times are two differnt things. I had a conversation with a young lady 2 days ago about the sumission of Wife and of Husband. There was a clear anger towards this yet she believed in the Bible. Does this make sense. Can we accept one and not the other. If it is needed do I need to worship at A Budish temple. Read the Bible and read the Moron Bible. Does this seem right? I am not trying t to stir up dissention but sometimes when the truth so strongly goes against the norm there is resistance. Are you or even I happy with our small Glimmer of Light. I am not do I look for those who have flashlights or would I rather if possible have possesion of the same light the sun had. For that would bring a longer, stronger sustaing light. So many people open their minds to Spiritualism and many other things the Bible warns us about thinking that we actually can attain anything from them. The Bible is right. We cannot. Some people content the Bible is not logical. I contend the exact opposite. If there be any need be FAD it should be throught the teachings of Jesus Christ. For then we might truly have the So called "Spiritual Freedom" "At peace with ones self" What is it this nation and the people in it are seeking. A replacement for the irreplaceable. Can an idea replace God. What foolishness we have become.

Blind for a Bit. Status Q.

Okay so the storm has seemingly passed and as I waited for it to past I realized a few important lessons. First being blind is no fun and puts you into a very venerable postion of simply trusting others as well as yourself. I also realized that this is how most without Christ live. Trusting in others and in themselves. Hopeing they are doing the right thing. I also learnt that my life very much is like this. Am I trusting in God or in myself and in others. Do I truly believe the things I proclaim. If I do how come I do the things that take little effort and the ones that take a step of faith and are literally life changing. How come I do not take the same brash steps in these. Of course I can speak loudly and even evangalize to those around me without a wink. Yes. This has become easy but the things that count. The step of faith that I am not so Good at. Do I trust God for these same things. Do I just go with the Status Q like everyone else. I fear that I will always if I do not choose to Concecrate myself. In other words I do not believe I will be able to make it in the Status Quoe this time around. THere is someone of more requirement. Something that I did not think I would have to do. Now I am at the bridge. Will I cross or turn? I think James will turn. On the other hand I know that the Jesus inside me will cross. I must allow myself to be fully him to get through this otherwise. I will surely perish. It is hard to say and many people who do not understand may even fear what I have just stated. But simply those without christ even those with Christ who do not trust in him will perish. The weight of this life is too heavy. We depend on things that unfortunatly will not lead us to eternal happiness. So many even forget the simplistic of things. I belive I have done this. Father God forgive me. I have realized that when in the Storm the Lord puts you in the Eye of the Storm. I leterally have watched people swept up by it and taken away. I very closly myself was there. Sometimes I feel like the Lord is not there but this last bout has only taut me one thing. Though we may think he is not there it is in the Storm that he is there the most. I sometimes wonder what it might be without him. I dread the thought. I know sometimes I might sound overly optimistic or sometimes even pessimistic. But what you must understand is that I do have trust in my Father in heaven but I am not so far from realism that I do not undertand that each and every step will be painful. Will take me all. Will require steps to be taken, situations to be overcome. Will require me to jump hurdels and will require loss and well as gain. I am not so religious not so out of touch as to think it is all roses. I know the task I have to taken does have an opposition. I know that many of the situations I go through are caused by my own mistakes and sometimes Donkey like attitude. I know one thing though. As long as this takes. My Father in heaven will come through and I will overcome all. I have been set here to do the will of my father and to learn and to teach. I know that I will go through much and much will be required. I am no different that everyone else. I require nothing special. I am just another Solider in this eternal war. Thousands. Millions have taken on the same task to show those who do not know. To teach those who do not understand a wisdom that I know nothing of. A love I cannot fathom a glory that cannot be undertood. The wonders of Jesus Christ The worlds Lord and Savior.

Is this where you want me to be?

I have to say that these last 2 days have been quite difficult indeed. I do not exactly know why but It get me to thinking. Is this where you want me to be. ALong with tragic situations. I am now temporarly blind. I have about 30% of my vision. Why this has happened I am also unaware. Anyone looking in might ask. What is he doing to deserve this? I really do not know. Many times we can be a llight of widsom of Jesus and others sometimes we doubt ourselves why and where we are at in out lives. I just hope this storm passes soon.